solutions

It's Not You

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When you’re faced with a problem, it can make you feel bad about yourself — if, for some reason — you can’t figure it out. You might then think of yourself as stupid, incompetent, maybe worthless.

But, a problem needs to be identified for exactly what it is — a problem. And, the process of trying to solve a problem can be difficult.

And, sometimes, a problem has the power to stop you in your tracks. You know…avoid, distract, or divert.

That can leave you feeling really bad about yourself. Like there’s something wrong with you.

So, what can you do about it? Cut yourself some slack. Simply see it for what it is.

The problem is the problem. It's not you.

If you need anything, just email me. I’m always here to help.

Pain Can Make You Stop

When you face a problem, it can make you feel bad about yourself. Stupid, incompetent, maybe worthless. A problem needs to be identified for exactly what it is -- a problem. And, the process of trying to solve a challenging problem can be painful. Which can lead you to want to stop in your tracks. You know. Avoid, distract, or divert. What can you do about it? See it for what it is. The problem is the problem. It's not you. So keep going and don't stop.

If you need anything, just email me. I'm always here for you.

It's Hypnotic

Here's a question I want you to think about: What makes your day difficult? In other words, on a very basic level, what keeps you from doing what you need to do?

I realize that every day is different and that each day comes with its share of difficulties, but I want you to focus on the difficulty (difficulties) that seem to run through most days.

As you answer this question, is there a pattern? Is it lack of time? No help from others? An overall sense of stress? An inability to stay on track? Money shortage? 

Or, did you notice that there is no pattern? Meaning, you seem to always just end up at the close of another day thinking, "What the heck happened?" (When my days end that way, I feel like a hot mess.) 

Pattern or no pattern, daily difficulties happen. And, it's your daily difficulties that can keep you stuck. You're stuck because you keep staring at the same problems over and over and over like you glare at a bright, shiny object.

I like to describe this as being 'transfixed'. And, while being transfixed can feel like you're moving in the right direction of overcoming the difficulty and moving on, the opposite is happening. The truth is, you're actually stuck. 

And why are you stuck? Because when you're transfixed, everything else gets blocked out. You can't see answers. You can't see solutions. You can't hear someone's encouragement. You can't think anything else. You only see the difficulty.

Here's how to remedy being stuck:
1)  Realize when you're in the trance
2)  Break the trance by focusing elsewhere
3)  Look for (another) solution

You're probably wondering how you do that? Well, the answer is so simple! For example, let's say you're at your desk and in your mind you're freaking out over how little time you have to finish your report. 

It's then -- in that moment -- that you recognize that (1) you're transfixed on the stress of having little time. (2) You break the trance by telling yourself, "If I'm short time, me worrying about lack of time takes precious time from completing my project. (3) I will focus, now, back on finishing my project."

I know you're probably thinking, well that won't work. But, trust me, it works. Try it. The next time you're in the middle of your difficulty I recommend you realize it, break it, and apply a solution. 

So, what do you do if you can't find (another) solution? Well, don't worry about that. At least you broke the trance and you don't feel stuck. And that's a great feeling right there.

If you need anything, just email me. I'm always here to help. ⚅⚄

3 Key Areas for Stress

You want to know what’s not easy? Talking to busy people about how to handle stress. That’s because stress can come from three major areas of life: 
Area #1   Personal (that’s all the home stuff plus family and health)
Area #2   Money (that’s everything financial like bills, savings, and debt)
Area #3   Work (that’s your current job plus career goals)

And, no matter where I’m speaking, people want to know how to lower stress. And, they’re so right to want that goal. That’s because when stress rules your life, your life experiences little joy. As I love to tell my audience, more joy — less stress. 

I want you to know the truth about stress. The truth is that the greatest stress in life is that which comes from feeling out of control and powerless. In other words, when you feel you have no choice, no possibility of change, stress prevails.

I know you’ve heard this before, but, change is always possible. Choice is always there. But, stress has you so freaked out and focused on the stress, it’s hard to see anything else. And, for many people, choice doesn’t feel even remotely possible. 

Here's one way to deal with this problem. When stress hits, choose to stay calm. Look for a solution. For example, you probably can’t leave your job, but while you sit there answering the phones, you can decide to focus on your inner strength and say, “I can handle this." Then, when you get home from work, crank up Sam Smith and dance for joy. (I'm serious about the dancing.)

Change isn’t easy. It takes time. It takes practice. But, over time, change will happen. Begin the habit of telling yourself that you do have choices. Tell yourself that change can happen. And when you hear your inner self say that that’s not true, override that voice and say, “I have a choice. Change is possible.”

As always, if you need anything, just ask. I'm always here to help. ⚅⚄